I Need You To Hate Me Read online

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  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is coincidental.

  ISBN: 9780645010817

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  Table of Contents

  1 New Beginnings

  2 First Day

  3 Ace

  4 Unfortunate Incidents

  5 Flip of a Switch

  6 Mars and Jupiter

  7 Playing with Fire

  8 The Illegal Hobby

  9 The Game

  10 Solace

  11 Innocent Phenomenon

  12 The Carnival

  13 Every High has a Low

  14 Beautiful-Eyed Monster

  15 The Storm

  16 Unveiling Secrets

  17 Written in the Stars

  18 Unexpected Turn

  19 Solemn Decisions

  20 Stars Colliding

  21 The Camping Trip

  22 Ace of Hearts

  23 Black Hole

  24 The Admission

  Epilogue

  1

  New Beginnings

  MY CAR TIRES crunch on the leaves as I round yet another curve on the one-lane road. The window of my twenty-five-year-old Mazda, which previously served its purpose as a family car, is rolled down to leave a gap. As I drive, picking up speed after the corner, the perilous wind finds its way inside, bringing the smell of wood and melancholy.

  Bridgevale is a small town in Idaho. It has a population of fewer than one thousand people—nine hundred and seventy-three, to be precise—I looked it up last night. The town is known for its mountainous landscapes and secluded lakes. It’ll be my home for the next three years.

  Pulling up to the immense house, I let out a heavy breath. It looks the same as in the pictures—a gray square building with a pitched roof. I’d resigned myself to the fact that my last-minute choice to attend university would result in a dull living situation, but now that I’m here, it doesn’t look half bad.

  It was my dad who persuaded me to get out of our town and start over. Easier said than done. But we both know that I will never stop blaming myself for the accident if I continue to stay at home.

  I do my best to block out the raw and agonizing memories, but I still find myself silently crying into my pillow every now and then—more often than not. The last two years of my life have been an onerous blur of events.

  I have applied to universities in advance, however, I wasn’t sure if I’d be attending. It wasn’t until a week ago that I have finally agreed with my dad about getting out of the house.

  Given that classes start on Monday, I couldn’t get a dorm on campus with such short notice. I also can’t afford to rent a place on my own. I looked at ads on the university Facebook page and found this place right away.

  Walking up to the door, I hope this will be a much-needed fresh start. A new beginning—as lousy as that sounds.

  Now that I’m in front of it, the house stretches wider, taller. I knock on the wooden, olive green door. I don’t take my bags, in case this is the wrong house, but I’m sure it isn’t.

  A petite girl wearing a bright yellow sundress and cream ballet flats answers the door; I recognize her immediately as Olivia. We’ve been texting for a few days, and I stalked her Facebook profile before agreeing to this. I’m secretly praying this isn’t some sort of sorority house.

  “You’re Carlotta, right?” she asks with a smile. I shudder at the sound of my full name. It’s not that I dislike it—it’s that the only person who had ever used it, is now dead. So, I guess you can say I prefer not to hear it. I sent Olivia a photo of my driver’s license, and since she has never used my name over messages, I haven’t been able to correct her yet.

  “Calla.” I force a smile, so I don’t seem rude.

  “Cool. Call me Liv,” she says, her curls bouncing on her shoulders with every word. “Do you need help with your bags?”

  “Yeah, sure. Thanks,” I say. From what Liv has already mentioned about the house through text messages, I know to find my bedroom upstairs, across the hall from hers. Luckily, the room is already furnished with the basics: a bed, a desk, etc. Courtesy of the landlord. I brought my books and clothes to last me the first year.

  “Zach!” Liv calls, and a blond boy appears behind her. He’s half a foot taller than her, his brown eyes sparkling brighter from the warm color of autumn encompassing us.

  He plants a kiss on Liv’s cheek, and she giggles. “This is my boyfriend Zach,” she introduces. He beams at me. “Zach, this our new housemate, Calla. Be nice.”

  He rolls his eyes at her warning. “I am always nice; who do you take me for?” he jokes. “It’s nice to meet you, Calla.” He extends his hand like a gentleman.

  I take it, and he gives me a light, friendly squeeze before returning his attention to Liv.

  Zach wraps his arm around her waist, and she leans into him. My mind goes to Nate. Nate, who broke up with me a few months ago in anticipation of a carefree, single life at the same university I have only just decided to attend. I don’t condemn him, but there’s still a part of me that wishes things were different.

  Nate is one of the few people who was there for me after the accident. Despite what he said about wanting to enjoy university, the accident played a substantial part in why we broke up.

  I pushed everyone away—I wanted to be alone, all the time, like isolating myself would somehow rehabilitate me. In reality, I was punishing myself, but that made me want to isolate myself more.

  Carrying in a box from the car, I let my eyes wander. Inside, the vast space swallows me up; at least I don’t have to worry about the house being too small. The floors are wooden and dark gray under my boots—I hope this place has heating.

  At first glance, the place summarizes what I imagined a college house to look like. It’s shabby and full of hard edges. The only compromise to comfort is the old shaggy rug, which fills the living room and has seen better days. By the stairs, a green plant rests in a large pot. How has it survived this long?

  “Is it just you two? The ad said three housemates?” I ask. A hint of vanilla and citrus brushes against my skin when Liv stands next to me.

  “There’s Ace as well. He won’t be here until Monday, though,” Liv says. “He usually keeps to himself. His room is down here.” She gestures, pointing to the door in the corner, away from everything.

  “Anyways, I’m so glad you’re here! I was worried about living with just boys.” She shudders, scrunching her nose in disgust.

  After they help me carry my stuff to my room, I get a key and a brief explanation of the house rules. There’s a bathroom across the hall from my room, which I’ll be sharing with them—Ace has his own bathroom in his room.

  I can also bring anyone over so long as it isn’t a guy from their rival, Ashworth University. Apparently, there’s been a feud between them since anyone can remember. I agree with the terms—needless to say, I’m not interested in bringing guys here or anywhere.

  Liv leaves to let me settle in, reminding me to let her know if I need anything. She glides out of my room, her gentle curls bouncing behind her.

  My room is bigger than I expected and makes me glad I found this place. My housemates seem normal and might even make good friends.

  I unpack my clothes, ha
nging mostly everything in the closet and putting the rest in the small dresser by the pale green wall. I stack my books on the ground near the desk and sigh. Biting my nails, I realize I have no idea what university is going to be like.

  I glance out the window. Why would anyone choose to rent this to students? This is more of a vacation house. It’s hidden in a secluded area, away from the university share houses, and it took me longer than anticipated to find the street that leads here.

  The view from my room is magical. I’ve always appreciated fall—that is one of the few things in my life that still hasn’t changed. The air is crisp, just how I like it, and the trees are on fire with color. I smile at the inferno near my window, remembering how my mom always scolded me for bringing leaves into the house.

  I would do anything to hear her voice again—to see her. My mother had always put everyone else before herself. She was kind-hearted, and passionate for a breath of life. She didn’t deserve what happened to her—and it was all my fault.

  My eyes stare out the window, not really looking at anything in particular; however, a lake in the distance captures my attention. It peers at me with tranquility and invitation—the stillness of it forming a glass mirror with golden orange hues of the scenery around.

  I make a mental note to take a walk in that direction during the week. I might even bring my journal and write. Even though it used to be my favorite thing to do, I haven’t written anything in two years—perhaps a new beginning will mend that.

  I decide to call my dad to let him know I arrived and that no, I don’t want him to get one of his many cop friends to check up on me. That’s the last thing I need.

  I dial his number, and he picks up on the first ring.

  “Hey, Cals, I was getting worried. Did you get there okay?” he asks.

  “Yeah, sorry. I was just unpacking,” I say, sitting on the pink blanket on my bed.

  “How is it? Do they seem nice? You know, if you don’t like it, I can give you more money to get your own place,” he says in a rush. He means well, but we both know he already struggles with the bills. There’s no way he would be able to afford it.

  “It’s good. They’re nice,” I assure him.

  “Don’t just say that, Cals. If I find out there’s some funny business going on, I will bring a whole damn SWAT team,” my dad barks, and I sigh, knowing it isn’t a joke.

  Even though he’s the one who encouraged me to pursue my dreams, a sense of guilt gnaws at me for leaving him all alone in that house.

  My heart has always been set on becoming a journalist—on writing stories and building a voice for those who don’t have one. Perhaps, no matter how cliché it sounds, I want to believe that I can change the world in a way that no one else can.

  After reassuring my dad that I’m okay and there is no need for him to check up on me, I finally end the call. I’m surprised he didn’t lecture me on boys and parties—he must be relieved I’m finally out of that house.

  Lying back on my bed, I turn to gaze towards the lake, the mountains, the quiescence of time.

  Eventually, I drift off to sleep. The first day of university will probably be an absolute disaster—from the possible run-in with Nate and not knowing many people, to being in a foreign place. I need all the rest I can get.

  2

  First Day

  MY ALARM GOES off on Monday, triggering my panic. I attempt to talk myself out of this feeling—everyone goes to university, everyone is new at some point, you’re going to be okay—but the uneasiness lingers as I get ready.

  I’m apprehensive that everyone will already know each other. Most of them attended the same high school—half an hour away. I’m just someone who moved two hours from my hometown because I couldn’t get into any other university, thanks to pitiable grades and a lack of attendance. But also, in hopes of escaping trauma.

  The scalding water runs down my back as I stand under the shower, mindlessly staring at the chipped tiles on the wall—mentally preparing myself for the day ahead.

  I put a little extra effort into my appearance for the first time in a long time—wearing my best pair of high-waisted jeans and a cream-colored sweater with baggy sleeves. I leave my straight hair loose and un-styled, dabbing a little concealer under my eyes. One last glance in the mirror, and I’m good to go.

  Liv and Zach offer me a ride to class, but I decline. I have a meeting with the chancellor in the afternoon, and I don’t want them to wait for me. I follow them in my car instead—the campus isn’t far, only a five-minute drive.

  Following the narrow road, I find my eyes wandering to the trees that radiate hues of yellow, orange, and red. They’re positioned close to each other, and the branches extend at the top towards each side, giving the feeling of driving through a tunnel with flames surrounding.

  We arrive at the campus a little early, and they show me around. Zach is a sophomore, so he takes the lead as a tour guide. Surprisingly, the campus is bigger than it looked in the photos. One massive building is a soft ambiance of red brick, divided into different sections for each department, and to the right side, the dorms are located.

  Zach leads us across the field, where football is played throughout the year. Bridgevale University is famous for its athletic scholarships, hence the main hallway in the building is dedicated to trophies and medallions.

  A boy with light brown hair calls to Zach, running towards us. “Hey, man, didn’t I tell you to wait for me?” He grins.

  His gaze flickers to me, and his smile grows wider. As if on cue, Liv gestures towards me. “This is our new housemate, Calla. Don’t try anything funny,” she warns him. I’m thankful for Liv; I’ve barely spent any time with her and already she seems like someone I would get along with, or used to get along with.

  The brown-haired boy places his arm around my shoulder like we know each other already. “Theo,” he says cockily.

  “Hey! I said no funny business,” Liv cries, swatting his arm away from me. I let out a small laugh.

  Theo scrunches his face into a pout, he’s kind of cute. He reminds me of a grizzly bear—he’s even built like one, tall with broad shoulders, a footballer’s body. I bet he plays too.

  To my surprise, Theo is in two of my first lectures, and I find myself relaxing now that I know someone. It’s comforting getting to know a group of friends for the first time in a long time. They all seem to adopt and welcome me into their group with open arms. From what I can gather, they all went to the same high school—but Zach is a year older. There’s also Ace, who I haven’t encountered yet, but I’m sure he’ll be just as welcoming.

  Theo and I walk towards our first class and fall into small talk. “I live down the road, in the frat house. The best way to experience university life.” He grins.

  “I guessed as much. The t-shirt gives it away.” I look at it. The black t-shirt states: warning, may contain alcohol.

  “You don’t like it?” he asks, pretending to look shocked.

  “It suits you.”

  The class has less than thirty people, not surprising for a town with a small population. All the students are scattered across the room, away from each other. Theo heads for the empty spot at the front, and I follow.

  “What are you majoring in?” I ask Theo during our lecture.

  “Engineering,” he says proudly. I widen my eyes; I wasn’t expecting that answer from the goofy attitude.

  “Smart and pretty.” I wink, and his grin spills with pride.

  “I’m here on a football scholarship, but the school forced me to take this English Sociology class for extra credit—it was the only way they’d accept me into the program, since I didn’t get the best grades in high school,” he explains.

  His eyes dart back to the professor before facing me again. “So, what brings you here?”

  “The only university that accepted my stupid ass,” I joke, hoping I didn’t offend him. Theo cocks his head to the side, and my need to explain rises. “School wasn’t on my mind fo
r the last couple of years…”

  It’s not that I’m unintelligent and witless—I was the top student in my class—was being the key word here. I was doing great before the universe decided to ruin me. After that, I stopped trying.

  I don’t want to bring out the sob story about the accident. And I appreciate it when Theo nods and doesn’t press me for further information.

  There’s a forty-minute break before my next class, and Theo insists we meet up with Zach and Liv. I’m hesitant because they are all so close; I don’t want to intrude in their friendship group.

  “It’s fine. Don’t you want to hang with the cool kids?” he asks and throws his arm over my shoulder, leading me out of the classroom.

  We arrive at a cafe down the road from the university. The building is painted navy blue with a matching wooden bench to the right. A clear sign hangs from the pitched roof: Cosmos Café. I like that this town is small—it saves me a whole lot of gas money.

  Liv spots us and waves us over towards the corner where they’re located. She’s sitting next to Zach, and there’s a blond guy in a multi-colored button-up shirt across from them that I don’t recognize.

  Theo walks up and slaps the blondie playfully across the back of the head. The blondie turns around, and as soon as he sees who it is, his mouth turns up into a wry smile. He’s out of the booth in one swift motion and attempting to tackle Theo in the middle of the café. I stare at them with wide eyes. I glance around the café, but no one else is paying attention to their childish behavior. Liv and Zach entirely ignore them—this must be their usual conduct between each other.

  “I see you found yourself a girl. Finally, Theodore.” Blondie runs a hand through his messed-up hair. I’m about to object, but he flashes me a toothy grin.

  “I’m kidding,” he says. “The day Theo gets a girlfriend, we’ll all be doomed. I’m Josh, by the way.”

  “Speak for yourself, Evans,” Theo grumbles, not impressed by Josh’s comment, and slides into the seat next to me.

  How does Liv deal with all the testosterone in the air? She must be used to it by now. “How long have you guys known each other?” I ask.